How often does one have the opportunity to come face-to-face with those we have emotionally harmed in our lifetimes or just those people that we need to say I am sorry too? In my opinion, probably not often enough. This weekend was amazing for me personally. I had a book signing at the Lehigh Valley Mall in my hometown-basically the setting of the entire book. I was nervous as I always am about heading back to my old stomping grounds and this trip was especially nerve racking as there was a wonderful article that had run in the paper with my mug on it announcing my arrival. I had no idea what and who to expect.
I have to say I was thrilled with the turnout and as usual incredibly humbled. I saw people I haven’t seen in years. People who I sat next to in home room…people who I played with when I was 3 years old…my eighth grade boyfriend who broke my heart (you know in that eighth grade high drama kind of way) and people who saw me hit rock bottom hard.
Then there were the two I didn’t expect…two people who come into and out of my mind frequently who held significance for many reasons and with whom I deeply owed an apology too. It was so amazing to see them both and I immediately recognized each of them when they approached separately. I was just in awe that they thought enough of me still after what I had done to come and show support. Maybe it was morbid curiosity to see what had become of me but either way I was able in both instances to make amends for wrongs I had done–amends that were 10+ years in the making.
I am so grateful to be in a position today to understand the wrong I have done in the world, the wreckage I caused to individuals spirits and hearts in the past is not something I am proud of so today, to be in a place where I can look someone in the eyes and say in the most heartfelt manner I can, “I’m sorry”, and really genuinely meant it, is a miracle and a blessing for me.
I feel I have made most of the amends I have needed too from my past now…there is one that lingers…and I wondered if he’d show…sat almost hoping but not expecting…but he didn’t and that’s okay…someday when the time is right I will get an opportunity to make those amends as well.